Best Quote - post hier de leukste tv/film quotes !!

[Peter]

-"Are you French? "
- "Why do you zink we are seaking wiz such an ouragious accent! "

Monthy Pyton and the Quest for the Holy Grail.

"I know a dead parrot when i see one, and this one is defenately deceased.. "

Monthy Python: John Cleese in The Parrot Scetch.

[Peter]

"There is evidence of presence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq..."

George Bush-2004

[Tim Y.]

"There is evidence of presence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq..."

George Bush-2004

Of..of..of..Haha.

[Shifty]

Frank Perconte : Say George doesn't this remind you of Bastogne
George Luz : Yes Frank now that you mention it.
Except we have warm grub in our bellies , the threes aren't f*cking exploding but yes Frank it certainly looks like Bastogne.
George Luz : Bull , smack him for me please

BOB Episode 9 : Why we fight

Shifty

[Edgar]

Haha dat is wel een goede aflevering jah.

[Harro]

Lieutenant George: Oh, sir, if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?
Captain Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump up 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

[Harro]

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

[Peter M]

Lieutenant George: Oh, sir, if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?
Captain Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump up 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

"Oh no mister Blackadder, we will always be more stupid than you! (rechtstaand in de kogelregen) Stupid stupid stupid!"

[Sjoerd]

Uit een aflevering van Dads Army dat de Home-Guard een Duitse U-boot bemanning moeten bewaken:

Pike: (zingt) 'Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerk. He's half barmy, so's his army whistle while you work.'

U-boot commandant: 'Your name wil also go on ze list, what is it?'

Captain Mainwaring: 'Don't tell him, Pike!'

[johan willaert]

Eveneens uit Dad's Army wanneer ze voor het eerst een Thompson krijgen...

Capt Mainwaring: 'Aah, a devastating weapon in the right hands...'
Sgt Wilson: 'I daresay even more devastating in the wrong hands!!..'


Pike: 'Who's gonna have it first and pleae may I??'


Johan

[Sjoerd]

Uit Apocalypse Now:

'Do you smell that? It's napalm, son. Nothing else on the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Y'know, once we had a hail bomb....12 hours....and when it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of them, not one stinking dink body.
The smell, y'know that gasoline smell, that whole hell.

Smells like........ Victory.

Some day this war's gonna end."

- Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore.'

[Harro]

Stella Hull: Have I ever fantasized about having a threesome? No not since Milli Vanilli split up.

[Arjen]

Uit Apocalypse Now:

'Do you smell that? It's napalm, son. Nothing else on the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Y'know, once we had a hail bomb....12 hours....and when it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of them, not one stinking dink body.
The smell, y'know that gasoline smell, that whole hell.

Smells like........ Victory.

Some day this war's gonna end."

- Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore.'

Nog een quote uit apocalypse now die mij regelmatig in het hoofd schiet:

The Horror!

[Harro]

Fran: Do you know that in Tibet when they want something they give something away?
Bernard: Do they? That must be why they're such a dominant global power.

[Narcolepticus]

Een van de betere lachwekkende films

Life of Brian

Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?
Reg: Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea

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Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.

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Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Brian?s mother: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian: I wasn't!
Brian?s mother: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small? "

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Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

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Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do!
Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
Brian: A lot!
Reg: Right, you're in.

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[a line of prisoners files past a jailer]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Stan: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Stan: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Stan: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.

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Wise Man #1: We were led by a star.
Brian's mother: Led by a bottle, you mean.

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Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
[they all stab themselves]
Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

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Brian?s mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

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Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

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Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

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Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Ex-Leper: That's what Jesus said.

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Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch!

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Reg: [arriving at Brian's crucifixion] Hello, Sibling Brian.
Brian: Thank God you've come, Reg.
Reg: Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, we are not, in fact, the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepare statement on behalf of the movement. "We the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. "
Brian: What?
Reg: "Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. J. , etc. " And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration, for what you're doing for us, Brian, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time.

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Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]

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Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!

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Brian?s mother: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Brian?s mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Brian?s mother: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.
Brian?s mother: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.

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Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.

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Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?
Matthias: No.
Centurion: Crucifixion!
Matthias: Oh.
Centurion: Nasty, eh?
Matthias: Could be worse.
Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?
Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.
Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.
Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
Centurion: You're weird!

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Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

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[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, "Romans go home. "
Centurion: No it doesn't ! What's the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on !
Brian: Er, "Romanus" !
Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
Brian: Er, er, "Romani" !
Centurion: [Writes "Romani" over Brian's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Centurion: So, "eunt" is...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Brian's ear]
Brian: Aaagh ! The imperative !
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh ! Er, er, "i" !
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er, "ite" !
Centurion: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
Brian: Dative !
[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not the dative ! Er, er, accusative, "Domum" !
Centurion: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
Brian: Er, "Domum" !
Centurion: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: Hail Caesar ! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

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Pontius Pilate: Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

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Pontius Pilate: So, youw fawtha was a Woman. Who was he?
Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrison.
Pontius Pilate: What was his name?
Brian: Nottius Maximus, sir.
[the Centurion giggles]
Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do you have anyone in your gawwison by that name?
Centurion: No, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Well, you seem awfully suwe, have you checked?
Centurion: I think it's a joke, sir. Sort of like... uh... Sillius Sodus, or Biggus Dickus.
Pontius Pilate: What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus? "
Centurion: Its a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named "Biggus Dickus. "
[guard laughs]
Pontius Pilate: WIGHT! THAT'S IT!
Centurion: Oh, but sir...
Pontius Pilate: No, no, no. I want him fighting weally, wild, wavish animals by the mowning!

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Leper 1: Alms for a leper!
Leper 2: Alms for a leper!
Ex-Leper: Alms for an ex-leper!

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Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?
Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!
Centurion: I have an order for his release!
Brian: You stupid bastards!
Stan: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Brian: What?
Stan: Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Centurion: Take him down!
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!
Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!
Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!
Brian: I'm Brian!
Victims: I'm Brian!
Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.
Stan: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!

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Mr. Big Nose: I'll get you for this, you bastard.
Parvus: Oh, yeah?
Mr. Big Nose: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.
Parvus: No?
Mr. Big Nose: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!
Parvus: Shut up, you Jewish turd!
Mr. Big Nose: Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan!
Gregory: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section.

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Parvus: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two.
Gregory: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling?
Mrs. Gregory: Oh, rather.
Gregory: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area.

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[Taking the gifts from the Three Wise Men and pushing them out the door]
Brian?s mother: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye.
[Three wise men leave]
Brian?s mother: Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.

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Boring Prophet: There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock.

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Reg: From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian.

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Brian: What will they do to me?
Ben the Prisoner: Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
Brian: CRUCIFIXION?
Ben the Prisoner: Yeah, first offense.

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Biggus Dickus: Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!


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Lead Singer Crucifee: You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

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Lead Singer Crucifee: [singing] Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true.

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Crucifees: [singing] Always look on the bright side of life.

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Centurion: You are fucking nicked, me old beauty!

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[Brian is explaining why there's a crowd outside their house]
Brian: They must have just popped by!
Brian's mother: Popped by? SWARMED by is more like it! There's a multitude out there!

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Mrs. Big Nose: [trying to hear Jesus' sermon on the mount] Oh, it's blessed are the MEEK! Oh, I'm glad they're getting something, they have a hell of a time.

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Reg: What Jesus fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.

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Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

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Stan: Listen I'm only telling the truth. You have got a very big nose.
Mr. Big Nose: Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide accross your face by the time I'm finished with you!

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Reg: One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!

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[Brian falls out of a building and onto a stage of prophets, the crowd are watching him waiting for him to say something]
Brian: [UNSURE and stuttering] Don't pass judegement on other people, or you might be judged yourself.
Man in crowd: [Walking past] What?
Brian: I said, dont pass judgement on others or you might be judged yourself.
Man in crowd: [in small, squeaky voice] Who me? Oh, Thank you very much!

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[last lines]
Lead Singer Crucifee: [as end credits role and crucifees are singing "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"] It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. Some of us have got to live as well, you know. Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. I said to him, "Bernie", I said, "They'll never make their money back."

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[first lines]
Wise Man #1: Ahem!
Brian?s mother: Oh!
[falls over in chair]
Brian?s mother: Who are you?
Wise Man #2: We are three wise men.
Brian?s mother: What?
Wise Man #1: We are three wise men.
Brian?s mother: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.

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The Crowd: The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
Brian's mother: The who?
The Crowd: The Messiah!
Brian's mother: There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!

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Matthias: Crucifixion's a doddle.
Centurion: Don't keep saying that.